For My Husband

Dear husband,
I feel much better now. Although sometimes an unpleasant feeling emerged (look in the difficult vocabulary notes behind the letter) in my head, but it doesn’t matter now. I think, I can handle it. Maybe you though that I always vacillating. It’s okay if you though like that. But for me, it was part of process to make my personality become mature day by day. And it made that we knew each other too well. Sometimes the bad thinking actually frightened me. I try hard to think positive. I’m like that maybe because I have a terrible experience in my family and with all its consequence that I ever felt. Moreover, we are in the different world now. You’re in outside and I’m inside. It makes many different things. Our thinking, our vision for a few thing, our activity, our friend and many kinds. I see the world with a black and white vision. And for me it must be for our control. And you…your world so colored. You met many different personalitys and how to face them. I knew it all. I’m not naïve. But remember,…sometimes you must back to think what is your purpose in this world. What is the deal that we had made with our God. So..what ever you do, there is a limitation. Not with there’s no limit. Becouse we’ve a very very bad consequence if we don’t try to limited our desire. You’d better get used to it.
I don’t want to be egoistic. I know now, that I can not force you always thinking and take care of me, every time, every moment, every minute, like you use to be when the first moment we start our relationship in nine years ago. I must be realistic. Maybe it even happened since we’ve got no married yet. I knew that since formerly you never full thinking of me. Becouse beside me there are other girls like Uya ; Yuni ; Wati and others that maybe I never knew. But if I so shock now, that’s because we have got married. I don’t want anything happen with our marriage. You’re my sun shine, my guard, my prince, and my home. If your heart not for me anymore…how can I face the world alone and with our kids behind me. I’m so scare to be alone. I don’t want to be like this. I want to be strong what ever that probably will be happen. But it needs the time. And an courage to face that. I hope we can make our marriage become strong and strong. I love you my husband. Maybe you’re not perfect although you try to be perfect. And I don’t want to pretend that I’m not scare with your characteristic. You always too much care with your “close friend”. It can make our marriage ruin a little by little. But how ever, it has make me more prepare for our future.
I don’t want to be weak again. I want to get up from my dream and start to stride out step by step with a new vision. Like you ever said, we drive our life with follow the stream flow. I hope we follow a right direction. I pray for that every night………………..